her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
