Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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