Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
