Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
