there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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