take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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