Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
