He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
