i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
