Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
