we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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