Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
