Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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