Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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