Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
