Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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