she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
