just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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