yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
