nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
