I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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