he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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