booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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