I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
