i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
