So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
