i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
