this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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