we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
