If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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