you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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