Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
