You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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