He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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