3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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