I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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