I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
