I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize