My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
did i just pee glitter
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
