they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
