Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize