tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
