Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
