If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize