So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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