I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
