Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
