I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize