she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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