If i could tip my vagina, i would.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
