I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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