Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Enjoy the penises
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
