If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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