I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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