Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
