Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
