his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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