Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
