I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
