you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
