lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
why is half of my head shaved?
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