We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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