I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize