not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Randomize
