nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
