420 ftw
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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