No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
