The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
