There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
