why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize