your thong is hanging out like whoa
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
