4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize