I think i peed on brittanys purse
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
