I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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