My sheets look like a crime scene.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
