its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize