I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
