I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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