and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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