evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
