My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
