Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
