when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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