so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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