We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize