I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
