Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
