Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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