I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
