My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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