He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
