Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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