3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
